The Asian Code
by C-C-C-Crack Pairings
Summary: Brenda Song teaches Jake Long a lesson he will never forget: Never Break the Asian Code.


A glow of pink and orange shaded in a dim light over her face, lighting her Asian features as she yields her sword above her head. Her battle stances requires her legs to be about two feet apart from each other, firmly planted in the sand beneath them. She was wearing traditional Chinese shoes; her attire also customary. Her lips curved in a twisted smile, a glint in her sword shining a square of light on the beige sand.

Brenda Song was going head to head today with one of her worst enemies. He wore an odd red jacket and blue jean cargo shorts that made Brenda's skin tingle, he was just that repulsive. His face was also Asian - much like hers - but he was the worst kind of Asian: Asian Scum, a term that she has had legally copyrighted. She liked to use this name to call him by, but of course he had to insist he call her that egotistic name of his, one that she's never actually used. _American Dragon: Jake Long. _She scoffed at such a name. No one called her _Ultimate Asian: Brenda Song, _did they? No, they did not. So why should this 'Jake Long' be called such a signature name? No, Asian Scum shall do.

Why does Brenda harbor such a deep, lingering hatred for this despicable Asian boy Jake Long? It's simple. He broke the Asian code. Not only does the self-proclaimed-man make terrible grades, he makes Fs. No Asians ever make Fs. Why, Brenda never even made an A- when she was in Kindergarten, much less in High School like this so-called-Asian. He doesn't deserve this title. He deserves to have his eyes widened and unslanted, and his hair bleached blonde.

He also breaks another Asian code. He has friends that are not Asian. _Two _friends that are un-Asian. **_TWO. _**And even worse, they're both ethnically diverse. First, he has this gross nose-picking friend that thinks he has enough grace to even have a name, much less one that sounds like he's a potato, 'Spud'. He is utterly gross and disgusting, and even the lowest of Asians wouldn't associate with him, yet Jake Long does. And the other, a girl from 'Da Hood', Trixie. She's black and tries to teach Jake everything she knows that's Ghetto. She probably knows everything you _can _know, even for a black girl. She talks like she's never taken a single grammar class in her life and she actually tries to dodge Brenda's numerous attacks on her. She has the absolute nerve!

And lastly, Jake Long does not even speak his own language! Only American!

...Well, it seems we're getting off the point. Back to Jake Long. Currently, despite Brenda's taunting and pushing of his 'buttons', he is still in human form. His strange hairstyle - with a green streak at the tip that she harbors an intense hatred for - is blowing in the evening wind, in a sickening way. He stands there staring blankly at Brenda's advanced battle stance, probably jealous of the accurate trajectory of the jeweled sword she holds above her head.

Finally, since it seems the child is unable to speak, Brenda does so. "Why hello, Asian Scum." Her patented nickname rolls off her tongue like venom, much like the venom she assumes seeps out of Jake Long's tongue. She feels sorry for his girlfriend, the Rose girl, because she's probably very sick from the tonguing she gets from Jacob.

He throws his hands in the air, exasperated. "Oh my God, that's not my name! J-a-k-e. Say it with me, _Jake_."

Brenda repositions the hand held above her head, jutting it in front of her, pointed towards the Boy-Dragon. "BUDDHA! WE BELIEVE IN BUDDHA!"

Jacob pulls back, an expression akin to a mixture between fear and astonishment on his face. "Fine, whatever, dude."

"I am in no way a 'dude'! You are a disgrace to the Asian community! No self-respecting Chinese person would ever use the word 'dude'!"

Jake smirks. "Fine. Dudette."

Smoke blows out of Brenda's nostrils and she twirls in the air, swiping her sword over Jake's hair, successfully chopping off that horridly tacky green stripe.

His grin switches to that of horror, hands reaching up frantically to touch his hair, as if he could feel the color. "Not cool, dude! That cost my Grandpa a lot of money to get!"

Brenda doesn't respond, more anger boiling in her blood at the mention of the name he insists on calling her. Instead she kicks him to the ground while he's distracted and shoves the sword toward his chest, not yet pushing it in, just pointing accusingly. "You are obese!"

"I weigh ninety pounds!"

Brenda doesn't respond, shoving the sword into his chest right as he begins to transform into his Dragon state. She doesn't give him the chance, killing him instantly. She removes his heart and puts it in a Zip-Lock bag, deciding she would bake it into a pie later on.


End file.
